cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/50507061
Next year would be my last year as a teenager. I feel sad that I did not have any experience in my life that makes my teenage life worthy. I got more depressed, more lonely. I knew some things but I lack the ability to prove them and remembering them exactly. I heard a lot of things but cannot identify which to trust. I have no friends. I have no money. Living with my shitty parents. Some years ago, I embraced my LGBTQ+ identity and also my atheist identity but I hide all of this in real life. I have some political stances that makes me left out in many online spaces too. I am confused, sad, alone, always having fire in me along with contradictory thoughts like I wanna be beautiful but why does it matter. I wanna be famous but why does it matter. If I don’t pursue them, it feels like I am killing some part of myself. I feel I have something to speak but amount of silence I have caused me a low voice and can’t even speak clearly in real life. I feel like I am special but moment I try to implement something, I feel like I am not. From many years, my problem has been same. I have been seeking something but I don’t know what and also fearing from achieving that. I don’t know myself or maybe I know but run away from it. There is a plethora of feelings I have that makes me overwhelmed and sad. I hear answers, tryna implement them, after some time, I still get same condition. It seems that either I started to like what I used to hate or maybe something else is the problem.
Take heart friend, big changes are coming for you! Up until this point in your life your friendship groups, your family and the other people in your life have been largely determined by chance - but starting now you have the reigns. From now on, where you choose to study or work or hang out will be a reflection of your personality and the odds of meeting like minded people goes up hugely. It sounds like you already know a lot about who you are, the reason you’re coming up feeling incomplete is probably because you’re a bit different to most people around you. That’s actually a huge strength and something to be proud of. Embrace your uniqueness and enjoy finding out more about yourself.
The chaos and uncertainty of being a late teenager is not easy so don’t feel like you’re a failure, a lot of those people who seem to have it all together really don’t. One final note - be conscious that it’s very common for the first onset of predisposed mental health conditions to rear their head in late adolescence. If it’s all becomming too much, make sure you see a doctor and talk about it.