cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/50507061
Next year would be my last year as a teenager. I feel sad that I did not have any experience in my life that makes my teenage life worthy. I got more depressed, more lonely. I knew some things but I lack the ability to prove them and remembering them exactly. I heard a lot of things but cannot identify which to trust. I have no friends. I have no money. Living with my shitty parents. Some years ago, I embraced my LGBTQ+ identity and also my atheist identity but I hide all of this in real life. I have some political stances that makes me left out in many online spaces too. I am confused, sad, alone, always having fire in me along with contradictory thoughts like I wanna be beautiful but why does it matter. I wanna be famous but why does it matter. If I don’t pursue them, it feels like I am killing some part of myself. I feel I have something to speak but amount of silence I have caused me a low voice and can’t even speak clearly in real life. I feel like I am special but moment I try to implement something, I feel like I am not. From many years, my problem has been same. I have been seeking something but I don’t know what and also fearing from achieving that. I don’t know myself or maybe I know but run away from it. There is a plethora of feelings I have that makes me overwhelmed and sad. I hear answers, tryna implement them, after some time, I still get same condition. It seems that either I started to like what I used to hate or maybe something else is the problem.
I feel media often portrays high school as a glamorous time, but for many people it was anything but that. Life afterwards picked up significantly more for me, especially when I went to college and made friends there.
I had trouble navigating the world around me when I was younger. Taking a philosophy course helped me out to be able to parse through some of the things I grew up hearing but didn’t resonate with me. I would recommend signing up for a guided meditation class or seminar, as it could help with grounding yourself at the least I feel.
I encourage you to join any clubs that sound appealing to you or even try to start a club of your own if none of the ones out there sound fun.
Life does get better, I feel. Even small changes in the everyday can build up to something meaningful when you look back at how far you’ve come and will go.