cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/50507061
Next year would be my last year as a teenager. I feel sad that I did not have any experience in my life that makes my teenage life worthy. I got more depressed, more lonely. I knew some things but I lack the ability to prove them and remembering them exactly. I heard a lot of things but cannot identify which to trust. I have no friends. I have no money. Living with my shitty parents. Some years ago, I embraced my LGBTQ+ identity and also my atheist identity but I hide all of this in real life. I have some political stances that makes me left out in many online spaces too. I am confused, sad, alone, always having fire in me along with contradictory thoughts like I wanna be beautiful but why does it matter. I wanna be famous but why does it matter. If I don’t pursue them, it feels like I am killing some part of myself. I feel I have something to speak but amount of silence I have caused me a low voice and can’t even speak clearly in real life. I feel like I am special but moment I try to implement something, I feel like I am not. From many years, my problem has been same. I have been seeking something but I don’t know what and also fearing from achieving that. I don’t know myself or maybe I know but run away from it. There is a plethora of feelings I have that makes me overwhelmed and sad. I hear answers, tryna implement them, after some time, I still get same condition. It seems that either I started to like what I used to hate or maybe something else is the problem.
third places are closing one after another. because my generation is growing up, getting full time jobs and losing basically all free time. and the younger generation is not interested anymore in social experiences, as the places closing admit themselves.
the places that were dying while I was too shy to check them out.