I would have been an atheist then as well. So…. I suppose I’d be sad that people still believe in that nonsense.

Christianity: Wow, I thought we were against idol worship? Oh well.

Buddhism: Oh man, those newfangled LED lights at the pagoda are so cool.

Ancient Norse: This is exactly as I pictured it. I feel completely validated.

Ancient Egyptian: You made paint out of what!?

Ancient Mayan: You do realize we just ran out of space on that calendar stone, right? Your desk calendar only goes to like 2025, should I assume you think the world is going to end then? I mean no, because of course not.

Romans: Oh neat, our gods have their own planets now.

Greek: Wait what? We only get the one planet? And the name sounds like what part of the anatomy? I mean come on, the Romans basically copied our religion!

Ancestor worship: Yo, we need to have a serious talk. You need to stop burning paper offerings of gold bars and currency at the altars. You think inflation in the USA is bad now? Wait until you see the afterlife.

Taoist: You got more or less everything wrong, but that’s expected. The Path only exists in contrast to that which is not the Path. Some people may pervert the Path for their own profit; without them, there is no Path. Seriously though – you paid how much for a ghostbusting service?

Well, cats are still worshiped as they gods they are, so that’s good. Ra and Anubis, and especially Thoth, are shadows of themselves, so that’s disheartening. The enduring brilliance of Ra is self-evident: the sun still rises. The extent to which people have fallen in moral decadence and false idol worship, so far that they’ve forgotten and taken for granted the source of all life, is immeasurably disappointing.

“Damn,” cough cough “does the air feel… scratchy to anyone else?” dies from 21st century supervirus