I’ve found very many people don’t want to be my friend for various reasons, even if I want to be theirs.
The real trick is in a) realizing that and b) accepting it.
People will never come out and say, “I don’t want to be friends with you” or “I’ll hang out with when none of my other friends are available and my internet is out”, so you have to read between the lines.
My most difficult friend breakup was with another guy going through a lot of the same existential things I was going through, and he was a deeply analytical, philosophical guy, and we had great conversations. We also watched an episode of ST:NG one night, which made me deliriously happy. We were planning on watching each other for a psychedlic trip. I thought I´d finally made a real friend.
But I was a low priority for him. What he really wanted was a girlfriend, and I was just there to be his wingman, drive him home from his drunken attempts to get laid, and help him pass the time. As soon as he got a girlfriend, he became unavailable. When he broke up again, he was there, but not really. I thought I’d help him get through it, but he was desperately creating a new dating profile while we were out together. Then on an another night, during a long drive, he ignored me completely and listened to podcasts.
He made some cruel joke at my expense via text and I told him to get back to me when he could be serious about his friendships. He wrote back something like, “Bro, it’s not that serious” and then called me back a few hours later when my phone was on silent. That was it, that’s exactly what salvaging this year-long relationship was worth to him: a text and an unanswered call and he just shrugged his shoulders and moved on.
Don´t waste your time with people like that. Give people a few chances, communicate if you think it’ll help, then move on. Friends are supposed to support you, not constantly reject you. What you have now are _anti_friends, people that bring into your life all the opposite qualities that friends should.
Your friends might just suck.
I’ve found very many people don’t want to be my friend for various reasons, even if I want to be theirs.
The real trick is in a) realizing that and b) accepting it.
People will never come out and say, “I don’t want to be friends with you” or “I’ll hang out with when none of my other friends are available and my internet is out”, so you have to read between the lines.
My most difficult friend breakup was with another guy going through a lot of the same existential things I was going through, and he was a deeply analytical, philosophical guy, and we had great conversations. We also watched an episode of ST:NG one night, which made me deliriously happy. We were planning on watching each other for a psychedlic trip. I thought I´d finally made a real friend.
But I was a low priority for him. What he really wanted was a girlfriend, and I was just there to be his wingman, drive him home from his drunken attempts to get laid, and help him pass the time. As soon as he got a girlfriend, he became unavailable. When he broke up again, he was there, but not really. I thought I’d help him get through it, but he was desperately creating a new dating profile while we were out together. Then on an another night, during a long drive, he ignored me completely and listened to podcasts.
He made some cruel joke at my expense via text and I told him to get back to me when he could be serious about his friendships. He wrote back something like, “Bro, it’s not that serious” and then called me back a few hours later when my phone was on silent. That was it, that’s exactly what salvaging this year-long relationship was worth to him: a text and an unanswered call and he just shrugged his shoulders and moved on.
Don´t waste your time with people like that. Give people a few chances, communicate if you think it’ll help, then move on. Friends are supposed to support you, not constantly reject you. What you have now are _anti_friends, people that bring into your life all the opposite qualities that friends should.