I’ve been internet-diagnosed with autism plenty of times, but the one time I went to get evaluated, they said I didn’t have “it.”
But if it’s a spectrum with different combinations of different traits at different levels of intensity, maybe a diagnosis is irrelevant and what matters is what your constellation of traits actually is, regardless of an official diagnosis (which, let’s face it, is probably highly subjective outside of some constellations–that is to say, with a long enough list of psychologits, I could probably get a dx).
Personally, for me, what this means is I can look to autistic literature to see what resonates with me without worrying about the fact that I don’t share many of the hard markers for autism. For instance, my investment in the truth often conflicts with social niceties even though I can read people’s emotions. I can see myself as an unofficially atypical person in a lot of ways.
I’ll leave my resonsances in the comments below. Feel free to share yours.
Diagnosis or not matters in the sense that it is useful intel for you and a tool. Just writing detailed essays and having strict logical structures in forums gets called autism on the internet. But if the internet communities for autism are useful to you and you are doing no harm that is good too.
Labels and definitions are useful in diffenerent contexts, and I would encourage you (and everyone) to (continue) applying them only as appropriate and beneficial to wellbeing and growth.
I like the oxford method and defining words and concepts before discussing them with people. You are being very transparent about what subclinical-autism in your case means. I think that honesty is very good and what helps prevent harm.
Someone doesn’t have to be Capital A Autistic with clinical presentation of Autism Spectrum Disorder (>pet peeve: disorder is in the name people! If you are NOT feeling disordered, you likely don’t have ASD!<). But being autistic in character or presentation on a subclinical level is valid too. And there are a lot of valid reasons why people cant receive that diagnosis. I know some severely autistic people that arnt diagnosed formally with ASD. I like the words autistic or neurospicy or neurodivergent for that, rather than ASD. I am now adding ‘subclinical autism’ to my list. Such an interwsting concept.
I think a lot of fights within the community stem from lack of oxford method definition, argument in bad faith. People conflating terms.
There are conditions that look a lot like autism, but are not. Other possibilities to consider are a high IQ measurement, OCD, ADHD, or a number of related conditions. All valid. Self-discovery is very valuable for personal development and I would encourage you to explore what voyld be the root causes of the phenomena you are experiencing, while also not leaving the autistic community which benefits greatly from your honest participation.
I do question the value of a diagnosis as “useful intel” because if you go in with a bunch of traits, but don’t get a diagnosis, you still have those traits. Likewise, if you do get a diagnosis, you still have those traits. The precise boundaries that the individual evaluator uses to determine autism is really the only thing you learn by getting evaluated.
I might steal “neurospicy” because it has no definition and people aren’t going to gatekeep it as much.
Thank you for your kindness.