I’ve been internet-diagnosed with autism plenty of times, but the one time I went to get evaluated, they said I didn’t have “it.”
But if it’s a spectrum with different combinations of different traits at different levels of intensity, maybe a diagnosis is irrelevant and what matters is what your constellation of traits actually is, regardless of an official diagnosis (which, let’s face it, is probably highly subjective outside of some constellations–that is to say, with a long enough list of psychologits, I could probably get a dx).
Personally, for me, what this means is I can look to autistic literature to see what resonates with me without worrying about the fact that I don’t share many of the hard markers for autism. For instance, my investment in the truth often conflicts with social niceties even though I can read people’s emotions. I can see myself as an unofficially atypical person in a lot of ways.
I’ll leave my resonsances in the comments below. Feel free to share yours.
I’ve been wanting to get tested for ADHD and/or autism, just haven’t really been able to make ends meet to get started :(
I think the biggest ‘tell’ for me was how ostracized I was when I was in school. I made one friend in 1st grade who moved away at the end of the year, and the kids who remembered her after called her ‘weird’. After that I had to force myself into groups to gain any kind of social experience at school, but was completely ignored once hours ended. I was a very lonely child and I don’t want to think it’s just because I’m introverted.
Every few years I had to find a new ‘friend’ group because the previous one stopped pretending they liked me.
What’s your social situation now?
I think I HAD a good deal of social anxiety, but now that I’ve mostly overcome it, I find that people just don’t want to be my friend.
It’s better, in the sense I have a lot of friends who genuinely like me and I don’t feel like I have to suppress who I am to be accepted anymore. The downside being that they are all online friends. I have two that are close enough to meet up within a day, but it’s still a long drive for either of them. Socially I’m enriched, but I still miss physical precense sometimes. And I have no idea what people really do together offline.
I do have to be careful when meeting new people though. I’ve come to the realization I can’t be the one to make the first move because my full personality is way too intense for some people to handle. I almost made a new friend a few months ago but I scared them off at some point :/
Describe your intensity. What does that mean?
For me, I like to dig into life and things, which most people don’t enjoy doing.