Lonely is exactly the shit I’m saying is fixable. Depressed, well, a large part of depression is about preventing you from putting forth effort. So like, yeah, it can fuck that up. But you gotta be optimistic. Like if my anxiety ridden ass can do it most people should be able to
There was a couple of methods I used to find people to talk to. Some with little chance of long term friends but great practice. Traveling through hostels and night life in foreign countries is a good no risk way to practice. Just talk to people in the lobby and bars and if it fails who cares you’re 5k miles from home. It’s good practice.
From there, taking a language class at a local community college for a language you like. This is more if you’re under 30 for effectiveness. A more out there language, like korean, polish, Japanese is probably more effective. But honestly any works. Great way to make friends, if you keep at it and get involved or make a club.
Another way is participating in local activism. Everyone is there for the same purpose, so it’s easier to talk to people. Plus, they’re used to outreach so they’ll reach to you first if you just show up and stand around, which is great because it means you don’t need initiative. From there you can just keep showing up, and it at least supplies a consistent social interaction every so often.
Another way is be an alcoholic and go to bars and chat up as many people as possible with liquid courage.
There’s a few services like timeleft, 222.place that are effective in major cities. Great way to meet people, none of the bullshit dating apps have.
Being in a union is also a great way to build comradery and meet like minded people who are easier to talk to. Again, these people do outreach, so they’ll hit you up first. And also buy you beers.
Can you tell that I love politics? Lol.
Basically, just go to social events. Not the community gatherings that pretend to be social but in reality are everyone coming in their own groups. I’m part of an activism group that runs bike ride socials it’s a great time.
Be active. Physically. Looking decent helps get to know people, as much as I hate it.
Key to all of this, is after x amount of times meeting, you need to try inviting them to things outside of the main activity. Start easy, sports if they like sports, maybe a local festival related to the subject. That’s how you lock them in.
But dude right tho. When you depressed it’s natural that you can’t put any effort, hence you can’t make friends. When I’m depressed I don’t even talk to anyone, kinda impossible to make friends that way, you know?
What kind of things do you like to do? Join a club, or team. Or whats something you think you might like to do? Take group lessons, or join a club and admit you know nothing and want to learn. People love sharing their hobbies. Mahjong, tennis, book club, home brewing, hiking, knitting, bird watching, ball room dancing… anything. Hang out in the organized setting multiple times, then if something clicks, hang out outside of the group. "Hey we should play mahjong at my place. Know another 2 people who we could play with? " “that was a great hike. Im hungry. Anyone want to get lunch?”
Even this is unrealistic in the current world. Everyone spends time online, and at least in my region, the only offline clubs or groups i could find are for kids, not adults.
You say that, but my wife and i have done most of the things i listed above and made friends this year. We joined a gym that had tennis group lessons and now we meet just with people to work out, i joined a soccer team and now have been meeting up with folks for watching world cup games. My wife joined a mahjong class and now has regular games together with her class mates even though theyre not in class any more. She joined a book club that gets together once a month. My brother decided he wanted to get in shape so joined a triathlon club and completely changed his way of life and now travels the world with his new friends.
Either youre being disingenuous or you havent actually tried these things
Basically anyone can make friends if they put in the effort. It’s one of my firm beliefs
amazing, i’m glad that’s your belief… sounds like you’ve never been depressed or lonely
Lonely is exactly the shit I’m saying is fixable. Depressed, well, a large part of depression is about preventing you from putting forth effort. So like, yeah, it can fuck that up. But you gotta be optimistic. Like if my anxiety ridden ass can do it most people should be able to
THEN TELL ME HOWEWW pleaseeee
There was a couple of methods I used to find people to talk to. Some with little chance of long term friends but great practice. Traveling through hostels and night life in foreign countries is a good no risk way to practice. Just talk to people in the lobby and bars and if it fails who cares you’re 5k miles from home. It’s good practice.
From there, taking a language class at a local community college for a language you like. This is more if you’re under 30 for effectiveness. A more out there language, like korean, polish, Japanese is probably more effective. But honestly any works. Great way to make friends, if you keep at it and get involved or make a club.
Another way is participating in local activism. Everyone is there for the same purpose, so it’s easier to talk to people. Plus, they’re used to outreach so they’ll reach to you first if you just show up and stand around, which is great because it means you don’t need initiative. From there you can just keep showing up, and it at least supplies a consistent social interaction every so often.
Another way is be an alcoholic and go to bars and chat up as many people as possible with liquid courage.
There’s a few services like timeleft, 222.place that are effective in major cities. Great way to meet people, none of the bullshit dating apps have.
Being in a union is also a great way to build comradery and meet like minded people who are easier to talk to. Again, these people do outreach, so they’ll hit you up first. And also buy you beers.
Can you tell that I love politics? Lol.
Basically, just go to social events. Not the community gatherings that pretend to be social but in reality are everyone coming in their own groups. I’m part of an activism group that runs bike ride socials it’s a great time.
Be active. Physically. Looking decent helps get to know people, as much as I hate it.
Key to all of this, is after x amount of times meeting, you need to try inviting them to things outside of the main activity. Start easy, sports if they like sports, maybe a local festival related to the subject. That’s how you lock them in.
But dude right tho. When you depressed it’s natural that you can’t put any effort, hence you can’t make friends. When I’m depressed I don’t even talk to anyone, kinda impossible to make friends that way, you know?
alright but like, what if i’m not depressed? then what? how to make friends, how to meet new people?
If I knew you wouldn’t see me on this site.
What kind of things do you like to do? Join a club, or team. Or whats something you think you might like to do? Take group lessons, or join a club and admit you know nothing and want to learn. People love sharing their hobbies. Mahjong, tennis, book club, home brewing, hiking, knitting, bird watching, ball room dancing… anything. Hang out in the organized setting multiple times, then if something clicks, hang out outside of the group. "Hey we should play mahjong at my place. Know another 2 people who we could play with? " “that was a great hike. Im hungry. Anyone want to get lunch?”
Take initiative, but dont force it.
Even this is unrealistic in the current world. Everyone spends time online, and at least in my region, the only offline clubs or groups i could find are for kids, not adults.
Then make one yourself. Organize, post it around online, and more likely than not a few people will show up
You say that, but my wife and i have done most of the things i listed above and made friends this year. We joined a gym that had tennis group lessons and now we meet just with people to work out, i joined a soccer team and now have been meeting up with folks for watching world cup games. My wife joined a mahjong class and now has regular games together with her class mates even though theyre not in class any more. She joined a book club that gets together once a month. My brother decided he wanted to get in shape so joined a triathlon club and completely changed his way of life and now travels the world with his new friends.
Either youre being disingenuous or you havent actually tried these things
For reference, we’re almost 40.