Hi! I’m pretty new to the community, but I just wanted to introduce myself and see if anyone had similar feelings.

As far back as I can remember, I’ve been interested in women, but I also fantasized about women with penises and even found attraction to men who dressed a certain way, carried themselves with a certain grace or body confidence. It was like, it didn’t matter what type of person they were; what mattered was the style, the sway of the hips, the reactions of joy, the brightness of a smile.

There were moments in my life that highlighted that curiosity. I was at a Harvey Milk music festival with my now wife. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing where we wanted to explore some nightlife, and we walked right into the festival! There were live bands, food trucks, and people laying on blankets under trees. It was a lot to soak in. (I think Ladytron was playing there, too.)

My wife noticed men looking me over, and instead of feeling icky, it felt validating and exciting. I could turn heads? Fuck yeah! I wanted to catch them looking. I wanted to see that hunger directed at me. (I think it turned my wife on, too!)

That’s something that attracted me to her: sexual exploration and sexual expression. She celebrated my kinks, and she explored some of her own with me. We gave each other the opportunities to experiment.

She was the first person in my life I felt I could be completely myself to. Very early on in our relationship, she knew I enjoyed any shape of woman. Not just that, though; I wanted to be filled by a woman. I wanted to pleasure them the way they’d pleasure me. I told her that, if she had a cock, I’d suck her off.

So, we bought a lot of toys: clamps, cuffs, double-sided strapons, etc. She wanted to fulfill my fantasies, and I wanted to give myself in return. I would deepthroat her and she’d peg me. I was more into “sizing up” and would tell her how much I could take. I loved the rush of dilation and feeling stuffed. It was a game for me and a turn-on for her.

I still wonder what it would feel like with the real thing, though. I still feel wanting, I still feel curious. I’d get fluttery when I’d meet a trans woman or witness flamboyance.

I’m still curious, but I’m still happy. I might never know what it could be like, but I think I’m okay with that. I’m with someone who understands my kinks and curiosities, and who wants to keep exploring with me. I think that learning about my sexuality has brought some comfort and closure to how I’ve felt earlier in my life. Now it doesn’t feel like some sort of perversion or confusion. It’s just my attraction, and I’m not alone.

So, if this story resonates with you, I’d love to know and hear about your experiences.