Does anyone have any experiences, frustrations or advice that they would like to share about maintaining long term relationships or starting over as someone with autism?
I‘m a millennial woman, and keeping people in my life has been a lifelong struggle. Today my spouse wants a divorce after 16 years of marriage. The reason stated is because of autism. I’m introverted, like to plan things, tend to lose focus and it’s like people just eventually get bored of you.
I have no family support, grew up in the foster system. I would lose my health insurance, home and everything in a divorce. Friends are through my spouse.
Feel free to PM me too if you are interested in talking. Could use a friend or maybe advice trying to start my life over somewhere else that I can get healthcare. I also happen to be learning German but open to talking with anyone.
I guess thinking about it it has been a dynamic where I need to always mask my symptoms. Leading to burnout and a dynamic where I’m always falling behind , exhausted and frustrated at myself but expected to have energy and keep up.
I have no diagnosis, but it’s a running joke in my family that I’m on the spectrum. I should specify that I’m in on the joke, not the target of it.
I spent most of my life staying in the background quietly trying to figure out how to behave. I still have a lot of trouble with new situations, but at 55, there aren’t all that many new situations I can find myself in.
At work (in IT, of course) I’ve been able to establish my value to a degree that I don’t have to hide who I am. People are almost expected to be on the spectrum in this field, so it would be unusual if people were bothered by it.
So, that’s my intro. Make of it what you will.
My wife and I started dating in high school. She was 15 and I was 16. I was odd and awkward, but she found it amusing. We’ve been together for almost 40 years. Throughout all that time, she was the one person who I could always relax with. No need to try to be “normal”. She loves me as I am.
I mention that to tell you that your soon-to-be-ex is a piece of shit who wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry you couldn’t be yourself in your own home. You deserve better.
Regarding all that you would lose in the divorce, I hope you have hired a good lawyer. If not, THAT IS THE NEXT THING YOU MUST DO! You need to make sure someone is protecting you and fighting for you.
16 years likely puts them in the middle age crisis zone, lending credence to it’s an excuse. While it’s bad in the short term (rutting US ‘healthcare’), being able to recover from the burnout and be yourself may well be a win overall long term. Treat yourself well and hang in there.