Tldr at the bottom.

No real names, sorry. I (28M) am a department lead at my job, Jane (25F) is also in a similar position in another department. John (~23M) is in my department working under me. I am his direct supervisor. I am on good terms with John.

A few weeks ago, Jane has been reaching out to me for casual conversation unprompted and will come get me for any work related cross department needs no matter how minor. I can clearly tell she is interested in me as nobody is that persistent with casual conversation or finding ways to interact if they weren’t. She has told me I am her favorite person to work with even though I barely know her.

Jane is cute and also hilarious, I wouldn’t mind dating her and have considered it if we end up being a good match. So far so good anyway.

Bring in my coworker John. John is an interesting character. Funny guy, good heart, openly a furry, Bisexual leans gay, and rascal like personality. John also has depression and sees a therapist. He openly hates his job even to his own coworkers dissatisfaction. We don’t deal with the best of work, but it still gets old hearing it for everyone. John is also easily distracted to the point of causing issues with his work performance.

I like john, he stresses me out at times but I try to be patient as I know he lives a rough life. He will confide in me often about his issues. Most recently he had a episode to where he got so distracted his partner was doing all the work and the partner snapped at him. I had to talk to both of them, one about his yelling even if justified and John with his lack of focus.

My discussion with John turned out alright, he hates his job and wants to leave but appreciates me. The only reason he stays he tells me is because of his interest in Jane. He has apparently asked her out before and she said she would. Don’t think they have yet. They are friends to my knowledge.

Obviously, I don’t want to touch this problem with a 10 ft pole from a job perspective. I like Jane and I am damn well certain she likes me as well from how she interacts with me and I believe that will interfere with John’s life even if I do nothing. John is a good guy that is teetering on the edge of mental stability and I have no desire to not only break his trust in his mind by going to “steal his girl” after he told me about his desire for her, but also push him over the edge.

I don’t think she is giving up either. So what should I do?

Tldr: cowork likes me, I like her, other coworker I am in charge of likes her and has gotten a yes from her when asking her out but no date yet. Coworker has depression and ended up telling me about his desire for her recently. Doing nothing is not an option as she pursues me. He persues her. Me dating her would likely cause him to meltdown. What to do?

  • benderbeerman@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    2
    ·
    3 hours ago

    The smart move is: don’t get your honey where you make your money.

    Jane is not interested in an intimate relationship with you. She is being a polite and considerate coworker looking for support from a friendly face. Help her without turning it into more than super and teamwork, and it will eventually just turn into a deeper relationship if she really is into you. If not, then it was never going to anyway.

    John is your subordinate. He is reaching out to you with trust for support in this time, but he ultimately cannot get the support he needs in his romantic/personal life from work. If the only thing keeping him there is her then he should leave, and you should support him there. Either make it a place he wants to work at outside of his (AND YOUR) romantic interests or use your professional resources to find him something that is a better fit.

    You need to be very careful with both these dynamics.

    What would you rather have here: someone looking to build interdepartment trust and friendship and a subordinate who wants to be at work, or a subordinate who feels like you don’t care about him and a coworker who feels like you think so highly of yourself that every girl who talks to you wants to date you?

    There is no third option where you get the girl and fix the kid in the situation as you describe it.