Sometimes, when I need space and people are talking to me, I push them away by making them uncomfortable. Sex and death are two fallback topics that make people not want to be around me anymore. I don’t even realise I’m doing it till after the fact because I disguise it (to myself at least) as humour.
But, it has a lasting impact I recover, I yearn to be around people again, but I’m weird so why would they want to be around me? I don’t blame them, it’s my mechanism that did this, I just don’t know how to recognise it to interrupt it with something healthy.
Except when someone follows me down the rabbit hole, and makes filthy/dark jokes back, I’m comfortable again. Then we feed each other and no-one wants to be around either of us.
Sometimes, when I need space and people are talking to me, I push them away by making them uncomfortable. Sex and death are two fallback topics that make people not want to be around me anymore. I don’t even realise I’m doing it till after the fact because I disguise it (to myself at least) as humour.
But, it has a lasting impact I recover, I yearn to be around people again, but I’m weird so why would they want to be around me? I don’t blame them, it’s my mechanism that did this, I just don’t know how to recognise it to interrupt it with something healthy.
Except when someone follows me down the rabbit hole, and makes filthy/dark jokes back, I’m comfortable again. Then we feed each other and no-one wants to be around either of us.