Transcription
A series of Tumblr posts. The first on is by avagarde and it reads “It’s so unfair i don’t get to see where evolution will go in 50 million years.” geekysteven responds with “crab.” The last post is by Existentialmemes and it reads Crustaceans: Crab, Mammals: Weasel, Plants: Tree, Amphibians & Reptiles: Unchanged because they are perfect, Birds: 360° around back to dinosaurs, Fungi: I shan’t speculate on the affairs of gods.”
Ungulates - Even MORE stomachs.
Cetaceans - why not even bigger?
Cephalopods - Starships and philosophy and tragic poems about how short life is.
Bivalves - even less brain, brain make feel bad, brain bad
Felines - Find and domesticate the nearest dominant life form
Murmurations of birds and schooling fish - Horrifyingly surreal swarm intelligences that can take the shape of things like pointing fingers and signs to communicate or a big pair of cartoon scissors that chase you.
Please go on
Platypuses - Now have added echolocation, flight, extra limbs, and bioluminescence. Too many skill points to spend, no build guide.
Kiwi birds - Will have finally switched places, now they are large eggs that give birth to a smaller bird.
Armadillos - Form a union with pillbugs and turtles, finally get better pay and benefits.
Golden Retrievers - No change to perfection, now the dominant life form.
Giraffes - Short necks and really long legs.
Daddy Longlegs - Surprisingly, develop more balanced proportions and are called “Paternal Medium Legs” but are still quite horrifying and love to hide under your bed.
Zebra - More tasteful patterns, like a nice vellum eggshell with fine, elegant pinstripes and a watermark with floral trim.