I have a new job. After getting to know my coworkers better for the last couple weeks, I was deep in conversation with one about tabletop game mechanics which then devolved into talking about creating currency systems for fantasy novels.
Out of left field they sort of add in that they knew I was autistic. I… had never been recently tested, tbh. I was completely nonplussed, not sure what to say. They asked if I had been tested as a child. I said yes. They guessed correctly that the doctors told me I had ADHD. I nodded… that’s exactly what happened. They then tell me that many tests from back in the day were badly done, and many people with autism got misdiagnosed with ADHD.
This blew me away. This coworker was certain. They said they found it extremely uncanny and that they were very unsettled by me, because they also have autism and they could tell I was on the exact same spectrum as them. They said they had never in their life met someone with the same autism type until now. At that moment I realized I understood, too. Like someone was on my plane of existence and that was very unsettling.
So I took the 50 question test and scored 28. I’m on Abilify for bipolar, which I’m not sure I have. The funny thing is… I get all the side effects from the Abilify (Apiprozole) that one with autism would get. Sever drooling, insomnia, etc. Every side effect that the drug would have on autistic people has presented itself. However, the Abilify works good at stopping my horrible thoughts and worries.
So my question is… has anyone ever been in a similar boat? Where you were diagnosed with ADHD but it wound up being autism? These are new waters for me. I always thought when they tested me for autism that they were certain I didn’t have it, but the more I interact with my coworker the more I can tell they’re probably right.
My next step is to talk with my doctor and get officially re-tested. We may be looking down the wrong medication path (though, because the Abilify works pretty well, I’m not opposed to saying I probably have bi-polar, too).
I stared at the ground as a kid and teen. As an adult I learned to look people directly in the eye when talking to them. However… as a kid… too much emotion. I couldn’t stand to see faces because one look into the crowd and I could tell the dynamic and the feelings of others. At least as an adult everyone has a mask. Though I tend to unsettled people. I don’t look at them when talking to them. I look at them.
Actually, my cousin’s son has autism. We had a couple drinks around the fire and she started talking to me about it. She had no idea how to approach it. He’s like 17 and she still didn’t really know him.
I spent all most of the night explaining why he did certain things, or at least why I thought he did from personal experience. His big thing was faces. He didn’t like them. However, he came up to me and started going down a rabbit hole of trains. I like old trains, too, so we spent the rest of the night deep in that conversation.
He never had trouble looking me in the face. The reason I think? I have spent my whole life trying to find a way to make my face kind. I have an angry face. It goes beyond just displeased, I look outright mutinous when I relax my face, lol. But I try to be kind, quiet, and courteous and have spent years trying to translate that to my face.