TL;DR You definitely aren’t alone. Basically all of the worst moments of my life were in 2022. It broke me mentally and physically.

BUT… I’m a lot better now, and I’m both surprised and elated how quickly the turn around was.

The Long Version
I took a new job at the start of the year, it was supposedly fewer hours for about the same money, that turned out to be very untrue.

I found myself working 60 hours a week regularly, and maxed at 90 one week. They operated and off-in-lieu instead of paid overtime, so the extra just accumulated, but there was never time to use it.

(For those who would say I did it to myself, you’re absolutely right, I was so wrapped up in other people’s opinions, I never put myself first. This was a key focus of my time with a therapist.)

On top of the never ending stress and 0 work-life boundaries (emails and messages at all hours, all days) there were a few tramatic events (I was mugged, death in the family) and my partner was away for work for a long time so I felt very alone in dealing.

By September 2022, all of my coping strategies were unhealthy, i felt like an anxious powder keg, anything could set off a panic attack and I was sad, deeply sad all the time. I couldn’t figure out why we do this, there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

Then, I quit. I wish I could say my partner was supportive, but I don’t think they realised how close to the edge I was because they were away so often. I had to insist, and just do it. Months later as I started sharing more they realised.

I spent about 4 months struggling, I thought time off would help, but it wasn’t. After a particularly rough (and public) panic attack I made a video doctor appointment.

PTSD, Anxiety, Depression. Having a diagnosis helped a lot. This was real and I didn’t need to tough it out.

They put me on a low-dose SSRI and set up CBT (congnative behavioural [talk] therapy). My therapy was over the phone, the only option covered by my wife’s insurance. At first, my therapist seemed too eager, too happy, but she adjusted once I started sharing. Talking to someone with an understanding and empathy made such a huge difference right away.

We tackled my need to please everyone, but more importantly the ineffectiveness of “worry”. Specifically hypothetical worries, things that haven’t happened and might not. We identified my behaviour loops and found small ways to break them, building new core beliefs. Life wasn’t always hard. Happiness can be found. I am important.

I finished my last appointment this week. Insurance would have covered 3 more, but her and I both agreed I didn’t need it. After 3 months my self identity had completely changed, I am now often time the person talking others (my partner, my mother) down from their worries. I ask for the things I need from other people, I ask for help.

There is still work to be done, adventures to chase and experiences to have. I’m being weaned off the SSRIs and I plan to start work again in the next few months.

This is just my story, everyone’s is different. But you are not alone, so many of us have been there and it can get better.

ETA: on the physical side, I’ve just got my bloodwork back with an all clear. I need to eat better and exercise more, but no lasting damage. My back is still pretty messed up, but the doc says it’s just muscular, so I’ll do my daily stretching and it should improve with time.