Particularly - America.

I personally have found that, I live in the past to cope. Nostalgia is my drug. It sometimes doesn’t help because all it does is that it makes me yearn and beg for things to be back to where things were. Because it warps my mind into opening time capsules whenever I watch an old show or listen to an episode of some niche radio show that long stopped producing new material.

However, it helps because, it at least reminds me that there are some things that I can revisit. If I couldn’t revisit anything, play the games I played, read the books I read, watched the movies/shows I used to, then I’d be up shit’s creek because I’d have to face the fucked up things people consider what are the ‘best that’s offered’.

  • the_q@lemm.eeEnglish
    4·
    16 hours ago

    Thanks for taking the time to share your experience. I appreciate it and your perspective. Logically I can understand and accept what you’re saying, but emotionally I’m not so lucky.

    I’ve struggled with my mental health for most of my life anyway, but I lost my wife, 2 cats, FIL and everything I owned in a house fire that I, for whatever reason, walked away from last April. I’ve spent the last year trying to understand it, and the conclusion I’ve come to is death. No matter the highs or the lows, the recognition of the present or the expectation of better days, death seems to hold the most weight. I’m tired, you know? Not like a long day tired, but like my soul, if it exists, is tired.

    I’m in therapy and have been for years, and I know the tricks pretty well. I have a cat and a few friends that for better or for worse guilt me into staying, but they don’t know this pain thankfully. We’re all going to die one day anyway so what’s it matter if I, 1 meaningless person out of 8 billion, goes early? That’s where I weigh the pros and cons.